Am I wasting my life waiting for you?

Well,i haven’t written in awhile.But Ive written a thousand times in my mind. After my hubby came back from his trip we tried to pick up life again. But then it was nonstop work without a weekend. A couple of days off(one of which was spent with his family). And that was two weeks ago! He got called away again for a few days and i had to resell dodgers tickets i had gotten for our weekend. I know that all of this is beyond hard on him.I see the wear and tear. But what about the person that’s always having the plans cancelled on them? The one who doesn’t feel secure in this? As a housewife you’re a wife. Holding down the fort making life comfortable.But i mean,what exactly am i doing if im not really doing the wife part? Am i just here to shop, manage the house,binge watch a show. Its hard feeling like you are just a shadow.Not a real person in society. So,I decided something has to change.I need to stop waiting for it all to start. I’m getting back in this crazy world.No more hiding behind my apron strings. Back to finish my degree i go! Lord have mercy.

Xo- zombie housewife

currently listening to – jay & the Americans

Here I go again on my own

So, he’s gone again. A literal last minute trip. I know its just a week and we’ve gone a month apart,but it never gets easier. Leading up to his departure i go into supportive wife mode. I go to the store and pick up his travel supplies.sneak his favorite candy in his bag. order a treat to be delivered to his hotel when he arrives.and tell him its all going to be ok. But the second i drive away from the airport my stomach sinks.I know its going to be lonely when i get home. That i will miss my best friend. and sleep will not be something I’m getting this week. But we stay strong and text,and skype and all that jazz. But you start to wonder if this “normal” you’ve been living for 3 years will ever feel normal.will the travel ever stop? will i wake up one day and not care? will he finally get a job where he doesn’t have to leave? well as for now this is the way it is. It has its perks. For a week i can not make the bed. Fall asleep on the couch watching power rangers at 3am(it was a long night). Eat whatever i want without feeling like i have to make a full meal. I.e. cheerios for dinner,leftover pasta for breakfast. But at some point during the day i get a sinking feeling and remember we are states apart.I hate that at any second he could get called away.I’m hesitant to make plans because i don’t know if he will be needed somewhere else.Its hard always being left behind.Last year i had to have a biopsy on my lymph node and he got called away to Chicago.needless to say that was a very pissed off and scary week of my life.Holding down the fort isn’t easy. I hate being away from my boo,and i know he hates it too. But for now i shall adjust to this life. Just gotta push through this week.

xo-the zombie housewife

currently listening to- the sound of Bill Pullmans voice(independence day is on in the background)

Time to come down

I had promised myself Id try to write a few times a week.But life happens and my minds been so rattled with anxiety all i could really think of was surviving until the weekend. Ive had anxiety for literally as long as i can remember. From being the strange “misery chick” child. The self harm, severe black eyeliner teen. To the somehow functioning adult. In this day and age having a disorder like this is still greeted with a lot of stigma. I have to say its my life’s biggest embarrassment ( and i don’t shame easily) . Its hard to accept that there are things you just cant do. Its hard to take a step back from life and realize you need to take care of yourself,and that its not a selfish thing. This last week and a half has been especially tough.I’m talking next level anxiety attacks.So bad that after they level up I feel like Ive been dragged for a few blocks by a bus. It seems to come in waves like that. sometimes i wish i could just pull a peter from office space.Just go and get hypnotized enough to not care anymore. But today is a new day and I’m feeling a lot better. The anxiety never really goes away but Ive somehow found a way to calm myself out of it quicker.So heres to picking myself up and going forth this week. Shout out to my hubby for keeping me nice and distracted.

XO- zombie housewife

Currently listening to – the cranberries -dreams

 

 

I’ve always hated vanilla

A few months ago I got lost in a vortex. Of housewife blogs. My husband was away on a month long business trip and I needed to find some comfort somewhere.But through all of my digging I never found a wife out there that I could really relate to. Dont get me wrong I found a lot of good tips. How to keep yourself occupied while your hubby’s gone,some recipes, things like that. But I noticed a trend.The majority of these wives all looked the same, with picture perfect decorated homes. From all natural baby food recipes to mommy wine nights. An unrelatable lifestyle.As Larry David said it, “vanilla bullshit”!. Maybe their lives are as crisp as the linens they post,but mine isn’t. I share a 650 sq ft apartment with my husband. That is an eclectic mix of horror movie posters,vintage inspired knockoffs,mismatched furniture that I love,and Betsey Johnson houseware i found at Ross.. I have massive anxiety and a passion for band shirts. Sure I cook and bake and do all those stepford wife duties. But what about the wives that don’t have kids,or a perfect life.The ones that have health problems, marriage issues, money issues(everything we’ve already covered at some point in our almost 5 years). what about those wives? Its like HS all over again,feeling strange for not fitting the definition of what your label is. And I’m here to vent about it. I love being a wife. And I’m so fortunate that I’m able to stay home and do everything that i need to do.Lets just say I married one of the good ones. I’m really only starting this blog as some sort of creative outlet for myself.And who knows, maybe one day some other wife out there like me will find it and not feel like a loner in this carbon copy society anymore.

xo- zombie housewife

Currently listening to- Everlong by The Foo Fighters

 

 

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